When Insight Isn’t Enough
The powerful moment when everything clicks
One of the most rewarding parts of coaching is witnessing an “aha” moment.
Often it happens when a client realises that something they have always believed to be true is actually just a belief, not a fact.
Recently, I worked with a woman who wanted to lose weight because she believed it would make her more confident. As we explored what confidence would actually look like, she said it meant speaking up more at family gatherings.
Then she stopped.
How exactly would losing weight make her more likely to contribute to a conversation?
The two things weren’t connected in the way she had assumed.
Awareness can be incredibly powerful.
But sometimes insight isn’t enough.
When knowing doesn’t lead to action
Many people already know exactly what they need to do.
They know they need to lose weight.
They know they are drinking too much.
They know they hate their job.
They know they are in a loveless marriage.
The problem isn’t awareness.
Research has found that many people continue smoking even after suffering a heart attack or being diagnosed with serious heart disease.
I’ve seen something similar up close. Someone close to me was told that unless they stopped drinking, they would die. They understood the consequences. They weren’t in denial.
The problem wasn’t awareness.
The problem was that the solution felt impossibly large.
The future can feel overwhelming
The person in the unhappy marriage isn’t just thinking about one decision.
They’re imagining moving house, dividing finances, telling the children and rebuilding their life.
The person who wants to lose weight isn’t thinking about today’s lunch.
They’re imagining months, perhaps years, of strict dieting, calorie counting, resisting temptation and giving up foods they enjoy.
The person who hates their job isn’t thinking about updating their CV.
They’re imagining unemployment, uncertainty and financial risk.
No wonder they struggle to begin.
The challenge they’re responding to isn’t today’s action.
It’s the exhausting future they have created in their mind.
Just for today
The same thing happens with alcohol.
Many people who struggle with drinking aren’t frightened by the idea of getting through tonight without a drink.
They’re frightened by the idea of never drinking again.
That’s one reason the twelve-step movement has long emphasised the phrase:
Just for Today.
Not forever.
Not for the rest of your life.
Just today.
Most people can tolerate far more than they think they can when the time horizon is short enough.
Courage is built in stages
Think about how people learn to skydive.
Nobody jumps out of a plane alone on day one.
They train, practise and often make their first jump attached to an instructor.
Courage is built in stages.
Life change works much the same way.
I’ve experienced this myself more times than I can count.
I couldn’t imagine moving house. But I could get my head around asking an estate agent to value it.
I couldn’t imagine leaving my marriage. But I could get my head around making an appointment with a divorce lawyer.
I couldn’t imagine dating in mid-life after years on my own. But I could imagine signing up to a dating site and having a single phone call with someone.
None of those actions solved the problem.
What they did do was create movement.
And movement changes everything.
One small step
Once we’re moving, we gather information. We build confidence. We discover that the thing we feared isn’t quite as impossible as we imagined.
The first step rarely needs to be heroic.
It just needs to be small enough that fear doesn’t stop us taking it.
In many ways, coaching is about turning “forever” into “today”.
Turning a life-changing decision into a manageable next step.
So if you already know what needs to change, perhaps the better question isn’t:
What should I do?
Perhaps it’s:
What is the smallest step I could take this week?
Not leave the marriage.
Speak to a divorce lawyer.
Not lose five stone.
Make one healthier choice today.
Not quit your job.
Have coffee with someone doing work that interests you.
Not find the love of your life.
Have one conversation.
Insight matters.
But action changes lives.
And action often starts with a step that feels almost too small to matter.
If this resonates and you’re facing a change that feels overwhelming, coaching can help break the journey into manageable steps.
You don’t need to have all the answers.
You just need somewhere to begin.
Katinka Blackford Newman
Life Coach | Helping You Go From Stuck To Unstoppable
www.kbnlifecoaching.co.uk